By NICKEY on November 5 2014


Picture Credit to TheHaloEffect from Deviantart

While members of the LGBT community are often victims of prejudice and are regularly lambasted and condemned, it is scarcely pointed out that gay men are being discriminated against by other gay men.

The gay community on its own is already diverse although it may not seem that way. It is only through putting yourself in a gay mans shoes would you be able to make the distinction between each segregation of the gay community by their groups – twinks, jocks, nerds, and so forth.


However, not much attention is paid to the effeminate man. On many levels effeminate gay men face more challenges as compared to a masculine gay man.

Some effeminate men are subject to negativity that is present within their own local gay circle. Many effeminate men have been rejected countless times by gay men who deem themselves “straight acting” or “masculine” just because they are effeminate.

Grindr or Jack’D, are mobile dating sites whose community consists of homosexual males. It allows for the user to be able to scroll through potential dates while viewing their profiles and talking to them if they should want to.

On mobile dating apps, “No sissies or fems, please” or “Straight acting seeking the same” are examples of what one will see on the profile of some masculine gay men.


While it is understood that this may be just a preference, it could be considered hypocritical by some for a gay man to be “rejecting” another just because he is feminine. In the end, there’s nothing ‘straight’ about a man dating another man anyway.

It appears that it is also possible for homophobia to exist within the gay society itself. Many of the insults include being called a “tranny”, “a scary looking tramp” and even been told to stop wearing makeup because it made them look ugly.

These comments are surprising because in many aspects, the gay community is still oppressed and here are members of their own society discriminating against their own kind. It’s quite contradictory when you think about it, ironic, even.

Society has its customs of what is socially acceptable and what isn’t. Though it is fairly common to see an effeminate man cross-dress in public, gay effeminate men are not allowed to wear skimpy attire or they risk being barred from entry into certain institutions. Though, depending on the culture or society, it is considered ‘okay’ for a woman to be skimpy, but not for a man.

As recent reports have shown, trans and feminine men are also more prone to more danger and hate crimes when out in public,such as being beaten up for being soft and ladylike.

All in all, effeminate men definitely go through much more obstacles as compared to “straight-acting” or masculine gay men. So are there issues to be confronted regarding equality within their own society?


One thought on “The plight of the feminine gay man

  1. ‘So are there issues to be confronted regarding equality within their own society?’
    Most definitely, and I am glad that you brought this up.
    The irony is that many times we heard the ‘I respect femenine guys, but it’s just not my thing’.
    Doesn’t this ring a bell? The are only missing the ‘I don’t need to know what femenine guys do in bed, but they could act like manly men outside’.
    *big sigh*
    A lot of work to do there. But this is a start 😉


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